Sunday, November 7, 2010

Journey to the dream weight.

Please follow me on my weight loss journey. Help me by keeping me accountable.

Why Miss. Moneypenny speaks? Because I like her! She was 007's go to person. She was the silent beauty in the background of his life and I love her for that. I know that in my mind I will never see myself as I should. Sadly, as a woman, I will never see myself the way other people see me. With my weight loss I would love to be that silent beauty in the background. A person that is beautiful inside and out but does not need to flaunt it. We all know I am not silent in voice, but hopefully I will find myself humble and happy with the hard work this will take and the progress I make.

How did I get to this awful weight? I do not know the answer to that question, but I do know when it got out of control. When we found out that my mother had a time limit on her life, my entire world went out of control. As I tried to keep my feelings and thoughts in check my focus on food and amounts I would consume went out the window. I did not care how I looked. I did not care how I felt. All I cared about was that the world saw my life as in-control while it was spiraling out. When she passed away I did not know where to turn, so my choice was food. I found comfort for that empty space in my heart with food.

It has now been almost four years since she has passed away. At the age of 30 I found out I was pregnant and as the realization hit me that she would not be able to share in the joy of her first grandchild with me, I ate anything and everything I wanted during the pregnancy.

My Adelyne is going to be 7 weeks old on Tuesday and that hole in my heart that I have been stuffing with food has finally found a healthy replacement. I never thought it would be possible that I could fill that space with love, but it has happened. Adelyne is my blessing, my joy, and my new love.

I can now see the destruction that I have done to my body. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done! Food is my drug and comfort. Learning to control what is out of control is going to be difficult, but with my heart healing and the pieces of my life starting to come together I feel this is the perfect time to start this journey.

My plan is to do Weight Watchers. Once I can get my eating under control I will add in more and more exercise.

This is for you Adie. I want you to be proud of your mother and know that hard work no matter how impossible feeling will pay off!

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