Monday, November 29, 2010

Weigh in... Week 3

Is it fair that I have to weigh in the week after Thanksgiving!? The answer will have to be YES!! :)

Here are my stats:
Start weight: 230.5
Week 3: 223
Total Loss: -7.5

That means I lost .5 lbs!! I will take it! I have to be proud of this loss because, well, lets just say I gave us when Thanksgiving hit and had a hard time coming back! I guess that is what starting a diet is all about though, isn't it? Starting over when you stumble. I will not say fall because I did not try to go crazy, but I did stumble from Thursday through Sunday.

Why is this diet so hard? People every day walk around skinny and beautiful. Why do I have such a hard time accomplishing what come so naturally to so many people? I guess the only answer I have for myself... if I am going to be honest, FOOD TASTES SO GOOD!!! I love my food covered and smothered in cheese, bacon, and sour cream! To say to me that I could never have anything that gives me so much pleasure again makes my heart start to pound and I can feel my body go into panic mode. So what I have to do is to learn to control. I have to learn to make better choices. I have to learn to tell the difference between hunger and filling a void. I can do all of that, I just hope it does not take a lifetime.

Things I accomplished last week-
* Losing .5 even during a holiday!
* Coming up with a work out plan!

Things I commit to this week-
* I will continue to record what I eat.
* I will stick to my work out plan. :)

Work out plan, you say? Why yes!! If you know anything about me you will know that the thing I dread most about weight loss is knowing that I will have to work out! I have a wonderful neighbor who has agreed to be my work out buddy. I am so excited about this! I will have to be available and heald accountable by someone who I do not want to let down! We have agreed to do videos, and between the two of us we have some fun things to try! I am so excited for the first time in my life to look at a work out as something to look forward to. :) I am looking at it as social time with a friend with a little sweat involved. :)

I am also excited to see the results next weigh in.

Now this, this is the face that makes it all worth it! :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Second Weigh In

Yup! There it is, 223 (add .5). I did not gain this week or lose this week. I stayed the same. Which I guess I could consider a minor success seeing that I did not stick with my goals and many days I let my feelings get the better of me.

What do I mean by letting my feelings get the better of me? Well... I guess you could say I was feeling melancholy all week. I think it was the stress of going back to work with the realization of just how much my life has changed! Not that I am sad about my beautiful daughter at all! I think you morn what you lose no matter if what it is replaced with is a million times better or not. I love Adie with all my heart. She is now my reason for getting up in the mornings!

...but I do morn going out whenever I want. I do morn not having to be available to someone or a machine every 2 hours to feed or pump. I do morn not having the guilt I now feel (even though I know it is not always justified) that I am somehow doing everything as a mother wrong. I do morn... well I could go on and on. It is a huge adjustment and sometimes I feel so alone in making it.

I also think I set my goal a little high at working out 5 days last week. I did not realize how much energy it would take to go back to work! My goodness!! And to think I did it all the time with out a thought before I was pregnant! :)

My weight chart has not changed:
Start weight: 230.5
Week 1: 223.5
Total Loss: -7

Things I accomplished last week-
* I went back to work.

Things I commit to this week-
* I will exercise when I can. I will set my goal low... 2 day this week.
* I will continue to stay in the points.
* I will continue to record what I eat.

This week I am also making a vow:
* I vow to stay positive. Nothing that I have lost brings me more joy that Adie does. I will vow to focus on what I do have and not what I feel I have lost. :)

...and I get to have Thanksgiving with my Family! I could not be more excited!!!!

Thank you all for your support through out the week! I could not be on this adventure with out you!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

First Weigh In.

I was so excited to weigh in this morning and I can truly say that has never happened before! I have been feeling good about this go-around in dieting and I think it has to do with my wonderful support group! I could not do this with out your encouragement and love.

So here it is before I ramble on forever... :)
Start weight: 230.5
Week 1: 223.5
Total Loss: -7

What is that you say!? Down 7 pounds!? Yes I am!! I know that there will never be a loss this great. I always lose the most the first week. However, I am proud.

Things I accomplished last week-
* I did not cheat at all. I stayed with in my points.
* I continued to focus on the over all goal.

Things I commit to this week-
* I will exercise 5 days this week.
* I will continue to stay in the points.

I start back at work today. I am excited to go back and see all of the people that I have missed. I know though that as much as I have missed them over 8 weeks I will miss my Adie more. What can I say, I love that girl!! My concern is that I will hit the wall where I get a little depressed and want to comfort myself with food. I guess we will just have to see what this week brings. :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

How can something with out a mouth scream so loud!?

I was talking with my friend yesterday about cravings and we got to talking about that cookie on the counter. You know the one I am talking about... the one that you know you should not have, but somehow it knows your name and it can call it really loud!

What do you do with that cookie? Do you resist it or do you give into its cries? I have tried so many things not to give in... even to the point of destroying it before putting it in the trash, because lets be honest even in the trash it was still calling my name unless I made it in editable!

The only solution that I have found was not to keep it in the house. It is nice to have a husband that does not have a sweet tooth because he will not go out and buy the items that I should not have. However that does not stop me from wanting to grab my keys and run to the grocery store and pick up that doughnut. So where is the happy medium? I can not have no sweets in the house because I will go out and binge, but I also can not keep them in the house because I will eat everything.

I think the best solution is to find low fat, low point items that will curve the cravings. Recently I have discovered 100cal Kettle Corn mini bags and Cheesecake fat free- sugar free pudding. That has really been helping. The portions are good and they satisfy the cravings. Does anyone have any other ideas? What do you like to curve your cravings?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Starting Photos

These photos are not for people with weak stomachs.

Scary! I know!!

I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself when I look at these photos. I think those are the right emotions to feel though. I think with out feeling them, I would not have that drive to continue on.

In this picture I am wearing Size 16 ANA Jeans and a XL shirt. This would be a outfit that I would wear before I was pregnant. FIRST GOAL: Fit into my pre pregnancy cloths.

I was able to remain positive all day yesterday! Things went really well. I took my Grandma to dinner and since I knew where she wanted to go I was able to pre plan for that meal and eat my other meals according. It went well! I stayed in my points. Here is the sad thing about yesterday... and this will go to show you just how strong my addiction to food is. After dinner with Grandma I was feeling good and full. However, on the way home the sick thing that ran through my head was "Oooohhh I am passing a Wendy's" "Yum, I could go for some Burger King." REALLY? What the hell is wrong with me! There is my sturggle in my head every moment of my life!

Today has been going well. I have plenty of points remaining! Hummmm... what to eat for dinner!?

Monday, November 8, 2010

Starting Weight

Today is the day.... I got my starting weight.
Here it is....

I am shockedthat the number does not scare me. I am not sure if it because I know how bad things got, or if I just know that it can only get better from here.

I am feeling very positive about this. I know the first day is always the easiest. You have the excitement of starting something new. Talk to me in a few days, we will see if this positive attitude will continue. :)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Journey to the dream weight.

Please follow me on my weight loss journey. Help me by keeping me accountable.

Why Miss. Moneypenny speaks? Because I like her! She was 007's go to person. She was the silent beauty in the background of his life and I love her for that. I know that in my mind I will never see myself as I should. Sadly, as a woman, I will never see myself the way other people see me. With my weight loss I would love to be that silent beauty in the background. A person that is beautiful inside and out but does not need to flaunt it. We all know I am not silent in voice, but hopefully I will find myself humble and happy with the hard work this will take and the progress I make.

How did I get to this awful weight? I do not know the answer to that question, but I do know when it got out of control. When we found out that my mother had a time limit on her life, my entire world went out of control. As I tried to keep my feelings and thoughts in check my focus on food and amounts I would consume went out the window. I did not care how I looked. I did not care how I felt. All I cared about was that the world saw my life as in-control while it was spiraling out. When she passed away I did not know where to turn, so my choice was food. I found comfort for that empty space in my heart with food.

It has now been almost four years since she has passed away. At the age of 30 I found out I was pregnant and as the realization hit me that she would not be able to share in the joy of her first grandchild with me, I ate anything and everything I wanted during the pregnancy.

My Adelyne is going to be 7 weeks old on Tuesday and that hole in my heart that I have been stuffing with food has finally found a healthy replacement. I never thought it would be possible that I could fill that space with love, but it has happened. Adelyne is my blessing, my joy, and my new love.

I can now see the destruction that I have done to my body. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done! Food is my drug and comfort. Learning to control what is out of control is going to be difficult, but with my heart healing and the pieces of my life starting to come together I feel this is the perfect time to start this journey.

My plan is to do Weight Watchers. Once I can get my eating under control I will add in more and more exercise.

This is for you Adie. I want you to be proud of your mother and know that hard work no matter how impossible feeling will pay off!